Thursday, 30 December 2010
After a few years of learning and observing overachievers like Kreve, the way they study is not swarming yourself in books for 30 days straight, it's selecting the important information and understanding the concept, elaborating and apply. The process may be a bit longer than the latter but she always assures us it will all be worthwhile. I'm probably just scared, weeks till exams.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
This song is just nice. (:
Saturday, 25 December 2010
And forgive without a trace
In time, we'll just have to see
As the last thing we want is hatred or agony
Let's start our days apart with a smile
For you, me and everybody.
The days I just cannot tolerate
And I got was a shut up
I'll never let you get away with that
Then we start putting up the fights
Mending everything in silence.
Soonafter, we'll have the apologies
Another moody day, the same process applies
Not once have we realized its repetitiveness
Until today, when you finally called it truce
And flashback on your mistakes
You're growing up so fast
I'll always look back to this day
Sometimes do listen to what I've got to say
Allow me in, then we'll try to have it your way
You can count on me,
Your sister, your shoulder and a full-time friend
- Aufa S
Next on my to read list: Message in a Bottle, after exams that is.
I've lost all the beautiful city lights of LDN street pictures. Hoo well, there are others that are that memorable, the perfect ending to a year was when the Alihashims came to visit over the season holidays. Not that it mattered that it was an ending to a year, but we had two weeks of almost like celebration. At night, everyone would stay in including our parents and just talked the night away whilst enjoying mom's, kcits' and my gourmet meals. Imagine two weeks straight, it's like receiving a happy meal everyday. I'm glad they enjoyed our hospitality making it the highlight of year.
Friday, 24 December 2010
Moulded to your liking
Let my guard down by saying too much
Was convinced that we were meant to be
Then not only was I let down
But also the people around me
They're the ones that made me realise your sincerity
That helped me overcome my doubts initially
No other than my family.
But no one can be blamed
Maybe myself, or karma probably
For giving you a hard time at first
Guess you never know nothing about me
As a person, my qualities and traits
On how hard it would be
For someone to be apart of my life
And for me to show I care
Considering the idea of eternity
After a stern thought
I guess they'll just remain
As my fondest memories.
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
It's a quarter to four in the am and I'm still wide awake after the adrenaline rush from cleaning that is, which ended an hour ago with 'Kill' by Jimmy Eat World playing on repeat. They are Jews, geddit? Hahaha.
Monday, 20 December 2010
I've learned things that I never could have thought of
Nothing that money can buy
Gone through pain, sorrow, happiness and sensitivity
A little fraction but the impact is greater than meets the eye
God willing I take them positively
Syukr with everything happening to me.
Will two thousand and eleven be kind too?
A part of me can't wait for the mere possibilities
Balancing the challenges and facing life without self doubt
On top of the prominent plans and others that will never be
But there is no reason to be in balls of fury
I'm just a mere slave still seeking Your way
Don't let me go astray
As for my resolution,
It's to be a better person everyday
I just love my family <---- this line is so out, oh well :D
- Aufa S
Sunday, 19 December 2010
I shouldn't really be hooked watching series, not till exams are over but it can be a little getaway. What's 40 mins every now and then.
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
There are days you can't help but have the occasional longing for the deceased. There are days I long for all four of my grandparents. When you think of them, there's an automatic response to recite the ritual prayers and that strengthens the fact that they're gone. Been told that they're always within you and that their presence is everywhere. It's different for the deceased and living.
When you long for someone around, its like longing for a missing piece. Like searching high and low for air, knowing they're somewhere out there.
Does it ever cross your mind that you are not alone?
In what right mind would it be to live dissolved in pain?
Could distancing set us at peace living?
The constant thought of your well-being,
That I would rather live with, not hyperbolically speaking.
Monday, 13 December 2010
Been a while since we had a girls' night in. Love these two minions!
We were asked to write about our hero for fun. Pardon if the essay sounds kiddish which didn't feel like that five years ago. At that time teardrops managed to trickle down as I was writing it. The essay goes like...
There are millions of heroes that I adore, who achieved amazing things but no one can top my hero - my momma. Ever since I was brought into this world, full of contradictions, I was glad to know that I have my beloved parents by my side to help through thick and thin. With 'Babu' (traditional word for mom in Malay) being my first word; I knew that her love was never-ending, making her the person I want to look up to followed by my dad.
I chose my mom because she has always inspired me in multitude of ways, in taking care of me and my sister's well-being. My wrong doings were always strictly taken into account by my parents especially my mom where she would set out rules and punishments, I then realized that this is how I learn ever since I was a little girl. Every spare time she had, my mom would tell stories about her dark past to my sister and I. The dark past consists of the deceased of her mom leaving her at just eleven years old and having to nurture her three-year-old sister. Due to the death of her mother, her father remarried. Having a stepmother was diabolical especially when you have to look after your three-year-old sister and seven other siblings. With pressurizing conditions and lack of love from her father and stepmother, life was down the trough. However my mom managed to strive her way through life on her own with the sister she brought up who is now a teacher, married with two (today, three) kids. That was what I admire most, appreciating every hardship she underwent to this day.
"Money can't buy you happiness," my mom explained. Her past had an impact on this as she was never happy after her mother died. Nevertheless, she regards this feeling of giving as her joint to happiness. Giving to people in need and doing voluntary work is what she loves best. Big-hearted as she is, she'll never forget her roots/past that has taught her about life and independence. She's determined and works very hard with a talent in the business world. Her experiences have helped her to keep on striving. I'll always admire her long stunning face, and divine curvaceous body full of brute strength.
Now that my mom has a loving family, with a caring husband and two diligent young girls, she must be the happiest woman on earth. But I know that it isn't true because the love of a mother is irreplaceable. Nevertheless, we as a family will always be there for each other and in the years to come, I want the bond between me and my mother to stay as it is as she nurtured me and my sister like no one else can, giving us self-assurance that everything will be alright. I would do anything for my mom even if it is worth risking my life. Don't even get me started during times when her daughters fall ill, it's a calamity. As I recall, the inspiring and most amazing woman in this world is my momma - my one and only hero.
Well there you go, written at the age of fourteen. It's honest and I was content to be able to write this in class, still adoring this piece until today regardless of the terrible grammar, punctuations, usage of language and also the fact that it is written in the first person. How astonishing, and what's even funny is that I never told my mom I wrote about her but I did tell her she was and still is a hero to me.
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Best decisions can be compared to baking. You cannot produce a marvelous cake without the help of the icing, flour, sugar and eggs. The batter in this case are people's viewpoints. Decision making is a skill but the more you do it, the better you're at it. Helps with work too, working in a bureaucratic environment with multitude of protocols is ideal just to avoid having to make many major decisions on my own but I suppose you learn in time. This is something thought about a long time ago if five years is long enough.
I can call myself indecisive when it comes to minor things like what food to eat, or where to shop, skim or low fat, the stairs or elevator but in life-changing prospects, its feedback first before concluding on my own as the last thing you want is resentment. Eat Pray Love correlates to this. Just finished watching the last 15 mins of it, took about a day. Think I paused for about 10 times but it is a good movie overall.
"Make the best possible decision by the help of others". But it's different with feelings, no one can help you decide what you can/cannot/should feel, bottom line is you cannot decide what to feel. You just do.
Saturday, 11 December 2010
One conversation I had with my friend who recommended the movie:
M: Oh watch Going The Distance, it's good.
Me: What's it about?
M: You know, LDR.
Me: About railways?
Me: No seriously, like LRT/Subways?
Embarrassing. Well, I keep on forgetting they had an abbreviation for long distance. Apart from the muting, fast-forwarding prior to eye-burning scenes, I'd give it a four out of ten. Still prefer Drew Barrymore starring in 50 First Dates. 1000x better, I'll have to see that next week. 50 First Dates will never bore anyone.
Next up, Eat. Pray. Love. This one about rediscovering yourself and what you want out of life ought to be worthwhile to watch. I didn't intend to read the book anytime soon till summer so I guess I'm not cheating? It's a must winter watch this hols, according to the reviews.
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Series and DVDs have been waiting for me oh so faithfully. Nothing beats snuggling in a duvet, pretending it is negative Celsius degrees with a movie playing in the comfort of your own room. The movie "Going The Distance" will keep me company tonight, that's if I don't change my mind into watching something else. Hope it won't be that much of a letdown like how my other friends proclaimed it to be.
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
So back to organ amazement, admiring the functions of the brain and heart, the lining of the muscles and how we're in power to be able to change the structure. Stick skinny maybe a bit too much, unless if I go on a water diet for forty days, do two hours, five times a week of cardio, probably only then I will be able to achieve that worn out, skeletal face which made me realise that it is not so pretty for the eyes to see. Let's stay toned, and now that Kreve is back in town, back in our arms for good, I am excited!! A dear darling elder sister that I never had is back.
More for my agenda this hols, but ofcourse it is not entirely my holidays unlike my sister, I have to study for exams in January.
Heaven/Where True Love Goes. One of my favourite song second to Maybe There's a World by Yusuf Islam. It will never get old!
Monday, 6 December 2010
Those were the words always after every phone call, emails, IM's that dad always uttered and typed out for me when I was all by myself in the other side of the ocean. And he still does say that until now. He's the man that keeps on reminding me what is best and suggests without dictating. He expects the best possible outcome in everything we undergo. Dad seems to be the kind that's laid-back but when it's future talk, it presses the cerebral.
It has hit me that I might (hopefully) will have to be apart again. I show so much interest that I do want to live by myself but the truth is, nothing beats wherever they are, with the people you love. Thinking about it now is quite silly of me as it's ages away, but I rather let it all out now than be stricken by that terrifying gutted feeling a day before my date of departure and end up crying like a mad cow. As for now, I shall live in this moment in time, with a few lights for the future. May the motivations remain sky-high till infinity and beyond.
Always hoping for the best, but expecting the worse.
I miss the occasional weekend walks to Hyde park. I don't know why the gutted feeling, but it seems like I wasn't there enough for my sister back then. Just the other night she pointed out that I knew nothing of what she was upto back there, told me that I didn't bother knowing as I was busy in my own zine. The structured life/routine of staying out in school till 6pm, the gym at 7pm, back for dinner/helping out with chores around 9pm, prep for two hours and by the time it got to midnight, I cannot afford to listen to her rants because I would either be dead asleep or reading a book. However, I argued I did make time for her during the weekends, at least I think so.
Although we stayed in the same room, it did feel like we were roomies because we were just caught up in doing our own things. Now, looking at the remaining days I have left to actually be with her made me realize that yes - it's not too late to enter her world, at least try to so I could be the person she can turn to whenever. We've only got each other really.