Saturday, 25 September 2010

The beauty of the world we know

Maybe if you think you're as such, thinking that you've discovered yourself; you're more likely to obtain/accept those attributes regardless if it's good or bad. I suppose people, including myself should start accepting the fact that we do not know who we are and that personality traits all revolve in what you do. It's the upbringing, experiences that make who you are. To say I am this and this and this ... cannot be verified because it's all within the mind. There is no, I Am, only Presence. If that makes sense.

Friday, 24 September 2010

Shivers sent down my spine.

"When there is a will, there is always a way." I finally found out Dal's date of departure (hoping she wouldn't read this). Just so ecstatic that I did manage to find out and as promised, I won't send her off.

This morning, I was pretty much occupied listening to dad ranting about something so minor due between him and mom which I think is totally cute. Trying to be a know-it-all, I started off with along the lines of "you know what the problem here is, you guys are distant emotionally, sometimes you guys fail to connect - appreciate each other more - show a sense of affection". Immediately dad replied and said, "I don't show it, it's in my nature." Felt like a bulb lighted up as soon as he said that, then I took five seconds to assess, maybe that's where I got it from. That unexplainable attitude, 50 per cent from 'so-independent' mom and the other 'I'll-do-anything-for-you-but-I'll-never-tell-you-I-love-you' from dad, which makes me somewhat somewhere in between - a cold mutant. Okay gibberish, but the point is, I was kind of helpful for being annoying and Alhamdulillah they've compromised, ofcourse one of them cutting each other some slack. I probably should start charging my dad on the advice of something I know nothing about but old enough to understand - additional cost would probably be, having to listen to such dilemmas. What joy, I kid.

Skeptical

Back to degree scouting for second year, for next year. Choosing a specific path suitable for you can seem very tedious, the choosing part. Some courses stand out than others, be it a joint course, major and minor. And after looking at all the modules, you can't help feeling flabbergasted. But ofcourse different universities have different expectations from you. I on the other hand, still am stuck with choosing which to go to from the many universities to choose from for second year. With so many I am doing right now in first year which offers a fundamental basis on mathsy/business/law oriented kind, having to choose which I'm more passionate about from the 10 modules can be mind-numbing. I'll settle with International Biz Law or something, insyaAllah.

I would pester my dad regarding this, like how I always do whenever I'm anxious but I'm quite reluctant for the time being. Dad's bummed out as he was told off by his dietitian in yesterday's appointment that, there seem to be no change, instead a gradual increase. So I ought to make him feel better, instead of rubbing the fact in. Though now, I can sort of see his determination in losing a few extras which is not impossible for him. He has done it before plus, it should be a breeze since our meals at home are very light and usually soupy (apart from functions where mom couldn't care less if the oil's saturated or whatnot). It's only when he goes out to dine, that he tends to overeat. The detrimental of eating out. I need that motivation too, or else I'll never be able to achieve my goal and become stick skinny.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Empty

The start of the week. Uniiiii commenced, so the first day was no other than my favourite subject, Business Law from my favourite lecturer. I didn't even realize my friend poking me until she told me the following day, that's how much I was immersed in the module. But basically everything went well until we were told to read from the horrendous, voluminous manual that I half understand from pages two to 39. Just great, but not complaining, the due date's within a week. This semester should be interesting, workload wise, lecturers and people. There are quite a number of familiar faces and new faces, and I couldn't ask for a better discussion group. Although being separated (not in the same group) from Thea feels, weird.

At the moment, I'm considering to resign because I know how short time is and with forgoing four hours of my daily time specified for prepping/eating/working out/relaxing is not worth it. It breaks my heart to quit but it's either that or time forgone. Opportunity cost man, choices choices choices. However I keep on procrastinating writing my resignation letter. Should get onto that now. Mentally exhausted but it's the good kind of exhaustion.

Monday, 20 September 2010

The Job

Everyone has a dream job, some actually enjoy doing what they do whereas some work for the sake of working as part of living. Having a summer job/being a part-timer for the first time, excluding all voluntary work, work in general does tire you out and my mom gets all paranoid seeing me worn out on a daily basis. But then again, it's only four hours. To compare with senior officers, officers mere public or private sectors, full-timers, four hours is only 15(?) per cent of the workload. I have no idea how my dad and everyone else does it. He leaves the house by 6.15am, drops my sister off to school and goes to work, religiously being the earliest in the office and it has been like that since ever ... since my primary days in St Andrews every time we settle here. That's exactly 11 hours in the office, including their one hour lunch break that he sometimes skips (reason why his diet is haywire). He's so devoted to his work that even sometimes Sunday mornings becomes a workday. He said, "Unless you're ready for whatever the highly demanded expectations are and the never-ending pressure and challenges. You'll literally secrete blood, tears and sweat - just qualify yourself first." I gave a little smirk and argued to the fact that, ofcourse nothing's easy and that it's normal to aim above average as it motivates people to give the best possible outcome.

That goes to other jobs in the ministry or work for that matter, nothing comes easy. There's always a price to pay, to sacrifice and forgo but to conclude, hopefully everything is worth the tears, blood and sweat if we genuinely do the job right regardless of how adept it is.

Saturday, 18 September 2010

Present.

You learn overtime and thanks to my sister whose undeniably persistent teaching me that as sad as that sounds. The week's been awesomely great, and Uni's commencing soon, that I can't wait for. It surprisingly doesn't feel like forever, perhaps I was pretty much occupied with lots of activities as something always has to crop up unexpectedly, so I strangely haven't been planning. Will get back to the jotting down regime soon, once Uni starts and oh I've got to start eating right. No starving myself, nor will there be the occasional overeating. And to also quit putting crap (sorry Ruffles/rezeki) in my mouth.

At the moment, I'm dying to know when Ms. Dalila M's leaving for London. It has always been like this since the last two years. She would never tell me just like how I wouldn't tell her my date of departure before. To know, I would either have to be an annoying person pestering her brother to spill or ask a multitude of other mutual friends. Dal's afraid she won't be able to pay full attention when I send her off (which I never expect her to). That being said; I have made a vow to not send her and yet, she still refuses. Just wanted to send a simple Bon Voyage text/call, that way I won't be in total shock when I find out that she has left and go all hurrah when we get on Skype.

Speaking of best buddies, after what felt like a long long long time of not being in contact with Momo, I finally got to catchup, talking about everything from the tip of our hairs, workload and circle of friends. It's funny because even though it has been quite a while, we pick-up where we left off.

My ever-so-adorable-lil-sister decided to store the treadmill in her room after the mini gym's been transformed to an evil TV/storage/couch filled/comfortable room to laze and literally sleep in. Knowing how emo she sometimes get would make it harder for me to enter her territory. One word: Annoying. Not complaining, she just does my head in sometimes.

Monday, 13 September 2010

Beautiful.

Came across a beautiful youtube video from a sister in facebook, figured the need to share it. Facebook can be an advantage, sometimes.




Thank you for sharing. Amin Ya Rab.

Friday, 10 September 2010

Harirah and Raya 2010.

Happy 16th Birthday, sister whom I have no other choice but to tolerate and love. Knowing that this is the only post she'll read in my blog, I think I ought to refer to her as the first person. This is the 3rd time running blogging for your birthday. You know, every year, it's always on your birthday that important events commences such as today, Hari Raya. Mind you, not Harirahya. The joke is getting really old, seriously.

I managed to compile a few old pictures, you know, just to see how far/big you've grown.


Look how fair you were!

Serious stuff now. Be good, pray and study hard. I know I've been hard on you, butting in close to almost everything but that's because I love you. You'll get the space you deserve but you'll always be the little girl. May Allah assist and guide you in fulfilling your dreams. My prayers are with you always. Kaka sayang you!


Grateful we've got each other

Raya 2010.


Salam Aidifitri. Please forgive any of my actions that may have offended anyone directly or indirectly.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

Conquering the kitchen.

So it's 3pm in the afternoon and dad just arrived from work.

Babah:
What time alai kerja?
Me: Five-thirty.
Babah: Leave at five or five-thirty?
Me: Five.
Babah: Alamak! I have to cook for sungkai dulu. To the kitchen in 20 minutes alright?!

For the past week, Dad's been surprisingly showing his culinary skills leaving the family in awe.

An impact.

Seriously, I can't help but stress out the fact that the entire family has developed maternal feelings for her including myself. Keeley's not just an animal coated with fur, she protects (we feel protected - somehow), brings the joy on our faces, and alas, plants an indescribable positive vibe to our surroundings. And she understands too, only after a year of training, Alhamdulillah. The only flaw about her is her taste buds. Unlike other cats, they'll eat anything edible but Keeley, no-oh, she's picky about her food. It's like when someone feels like they want to eat something but ends up having only half a bite. Well, my cat's worse, she simply will sniff it and run off eating her proper food - cat biscuits. She wouldn't consume solid food for some reason but would demand for them if she happens to witness us eating. That irritates me because it'll be a total waste and this family does not waste. But then again, that look, that captivating look makes it so easy to let her get off the hook.

Keeley has been a blessing to the family. I remember last year in the month of Sept when she was only three months old, lying faced down on my dad's bare hands. Now, she's as big as a horse and I think I ought to stop blogging about her because if I can recall, I wrote more than I should about how she became a member of the family back in December. Sometimes, you can't help but go on and on, I love my cat oh so dearly.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Last Sunday

There is nothing more than a lazy Sunday, speaking of last Sunday which marked one of the (I'm going to be using marks quite often now, can't seem to stop saying it) so marks one of the most unproductive days. Back in the days, I used to find myself always looking forward to summer holidays, ofcourse along the lines with half-enjoying the summer holidays due to dreading for the results. Hoping to get as expected. Now that it's all out in the open, results out, Alhamdulillah, graduation done, it seems like there's merely nothing to look forward to keep you busy. Apart from the daily routine, Ramadhan, upcoming Raya, the part-time job, occasional catch-up calls and meet-ups. It's not the kind of commitment, like Uni. I miss having to be up to par with everyone else, meeting a deadline, discussing with fellow lecturers and mates about a certain topic I half understand. When I tell this all to my parents, they're like "Uni's in a month". A month seems like forever but knowing how time flies by so fast, I won't even see it coming.

Speaking of time, I've got a random joke that's literally noted in the back of my head from scouting for lame jokes with Dalila M back in '08.
What did the frog say to the other frog?
"Time sure is fun when you're having flies."

I swear down if I don't start learning anything anytime soon, there will be cobwebs built in the back of my brain. Errr ... okay maybe not.

Monday, 6 September 2010

Smile and the world will smile with you



Yes it's true. Smile to the good and bad things because there is ofcourse no other cure. This is a not a cliche saying, though it does sound like it if you take it at a literal sense. They say you get what's infront of you, meeting that certain standard and accept the fact that it won't be perfection but something close to it. A random smile is planted in the blog for no apparent reason. I reckon this is the first time I don't know where a post is going but heck, what the hey.

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Uneventful.

Nothing beats, okay maybe there is something that can beat the smell of the morning dew and fresh air, in this case nothing beats it at this very moment in time as I write another blog post in this little device. There's so many thoughts running, waiting to be analyzed but for the first time ever, I ignored them as I write this infront of the ocean, enjoying the tranquility of this place and now only realized ... why the best things in life are free.

So the night before today, my cousin who I practically grew up with slept over and for the first time, portrayed such behaviour. A part of him I hardly ever see. Being quite hard-headed knowing we (I believe) we have similar traits, it's now justifiable to say that we don't because I don't think I can ever 'let loose'. It's nice to see someone who you never thought you'd see act in a certain way, but then again it took a lot of time to let him open up like that even though we're family seemingly as we generally don't see each other very often. I know it's minor but it does mean alot to me and my sister. All the whining, offering to to braid my hair, the usual kiddie kind of behaviour, for someone so serious 95 per cent of the time in family functions, that is ghastly fazing. It's funny to see the transitional change. Bet this will be one of the stories I'll blurt out when we grow a couple of years older, just as we always do nowadays, talking about how we were practically cats and dogs back in primary school.

Friday, 3 September 2010

Honestly, growing up is a tad bit scary

No, it's scary - It isn't just about age, it's also the fact that our thinking gradually changes. Maturity - I sometimes think that I haven't fully lived my teenage days though. Hence now, the thought of literally growing up has started to haunt me. To be told it's my birthday has always been something daunting as I don't look forward to birthdays despite all the warm greetings. I fret about it now even though turning a year older is in four months' time. The thought of having to be extra extra responsible etc.

Another member in the family is growing up immensely fast, my lil sister. The teddy gal - soon to be sixteen years old and for her, she hardly can't wait to turn a year older. So I said with belligerence, "you'll take your words back eventually". My lil sister, whose not so little anymore is developing really well, fitting into the right adolescent stage despite her line of crushes, going woop woop about being facebook officials, rantings about a pimple and how now she's body conscious! I find it really intriguing as I was once in that phase. Funny come to think of it but putting trust in my sister she'll survive, insya Allah and knowing her boundaries. I'm just glad I can be her hearing aid when she needs someone to talk to. "Nothing beats the support (and judgment) from a sister." - Rirah.

It's just that now, she can differentiate from productive to gibberish conversations where in that case I have to stop playfully talking to her about irrelevant things, as she prefers the latter - seriousness.