Monday, 30 August 2010

No other way.

My heartbeat stopped beating for a tad second as soon as I had read the texts Thea informed me with regarding the condition of our schoolmate. It makes me think to what extent the things I fret about are worth going haywire for. Seemingly, in this scenario it seems very minor. The little things I go anal about, thinking endlessly on how to structure and plan everything perfectly, and how I just shut certain things in life. There is no comparison to what Jed, the guy on life-support is facing. Although acquaintances, from different lectures and courses, you do observe people on a daily basis and without his presence, it will definitely be a devastating loss to everyone inside and outside the college. May all the prayers for his well-being be blessed.

Friday, 27 August 2010

Random at its best

Why are there some things we cannot live with and cannot live without? I've figured that looking back which I tend to always find myself doing absentmindedly is simply just a state of mind. Everyone I know dwells but don't live in the past because they aren't what they are now. This just comes to show why the word 'forward' exists. Nonetheless, there need not to be a reason why someone finds peace in solitude, some people are wired that way personally myself. Who doesn't find peace in solitude anyway?

The Wall

There is always that non-existent line, that barrier in every human being, for most people - what I like to call the invisible wall. The wall where the boundaries between what people perceive you to be and who you really are. (This is excluding the split personalities as it doesn't apply in this context i.e. Dr. Jekyll and Hyde)

It takes an awful lot of time to break down that wall and let people in your comfort zone, at least for me. Even families wouldn't be able to catch a glimpse of the person you are. Speaking of that wall, once you've decided to crumble it down, and say, someone mistreats it, the wall automatically builds an even stronger one affecting you and those around you. It's like flashing your heart. On the contrary, "sometimes that invasion of personal space is what you really need". - Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Another year

The Summer just couldn't get any better, Alhamdulillah. Ever so grateful for whatever that I have encountered this year. All the splendors and wonders that Allah has bestowed upon me and my family. It's true that with all the hardships and difficulties, there is relief. There is no promise in anything, but we can almost promise ourselves to continue striving for the betterment of our future whilst also preparing for the Hereafter, if God wills.

Yesterday marked one of the happiest day, where I felt a fuzzy feeling when my parents gave an adorable smile as a response to me graduating from UFC and moving onto first year degree this Sept, not much was said as per usual, however deep down I hope they were proud. As a family, we don't really convey our feelings much because we simply just know we care and love one another.

Thursday, 19 August 2010


Friendship's a subtle term to portray the bond between two or more people associating. You just know where the people lie in your life, and it's one that knows and tolerates you at your best and worst. For me, it's the brothers and sisters I've never had (apart from my lil sister whom I love to bits and pieces). It's true that friends come and go however, it is the ones that are commonly known as true friendship that follows you in your future, and they remain there for a reason. I know I'm blessed with such beautiful friends, inside and out. The kind of friends that doesn't judge you, who are comfortable in their own skin, and one that you can relate as well as oppose to, exchanging perspectives. One that still maintains the same aura even after days, months or years of not being in contact and after all that, who still interacts the same way filled with conversations that lasts a lifetime. It's those ones that I'm blessed to have, that I can name from the back of my head.

The other day my sister pointed out that I'm generally a very awkward person and was dumbfounded as to the number of friends I have and how I make friends because with her, she can obtain friends in a snap. I detested the fact that I'm awkward in itself because when there isn't a streak of awkwardness in sight with acquaintances, I tend to always have the gut feeling that we'll be friends sooner or later.

Saturday, 14 August 2010

The Possibilities

It has been exactly three years, which feels more or less like eternity. I've come to believe that not everything has a happy ending, regardless if it's your first love or whatsoever. I used to think, the fact that I've been holding on and delude myself into thinking no matter how far across the ocean, all the people we've associated with, things we've gone through apart, when we've all accomplished our goals in life and the time finally comes, that we'll finally be. So then I thought, what's another seven years of holding on, being emotionally unavailable. But that's just me doing my part whilst the other is having a heck of a time, collecting a jar of hearts.

It doesn't work like that, that I've come to accept because whatever you do now, it does determine your future. Pushing people away for that reason won't get me anywhere because there is no promise that we'll ever be. Love doesn't generate through absence. As much as I really want out, there's always a way for the other party to draw me back in simply by doing nothing and everything. It's like being on each others hook, where both parties aren't sure whether it's the person we miss, the challenge or the absence. We're not sixteen anymore, I keep telling myself that, I hope to grow out it. I wish the same for the other party too so we can continue living without feeling like an unfinished chapter.

It'll be a mistake to try again, like war where there is no level of tolerance. I'm putting my foot down prior to change. I'm not changing for no one - I'm sure there are others who can tolerate my emotionlessness. This time, I won't say I'm moving on as it's overrated but instead, overcoming this weakness, opening my eyes to the possibilities.

Thursday, 12 August 2010

The Common Mistakes

Mistakes are unavoidable, regardless of how anal you are in trying to overcome them. Spelling and grammatical errors has always been something I go paranoid about, after writing out sentences or essays, stories etc and reading them back, if I happen to spot an error, I'll either beat myself up or talk about how I could have missed it but never simply 'let it go'. However, there are few words, the common mistakes that I never took note of for years until now. Maybe, if I blog it, it may stay stagnant in the back of my head, insya Allah. So I could prevent myself from making the same spelling mistake over and over again.

1) I tend to spell opportunity as 'oppurtunity'.

2) Confusion between the word thought and taught. I fail to take precaution of the sentence and tend to repeatedly make the same error.

3) Definitely tends to be 'definately'. How embarassing looking back at the times I've used that word.

For now, that's the most blatant errors I've made so far, hoping this proofreading job can kick my vocabulary up a notch.